Hermione's Thoughts On Fanfiction
by wonderwall05
Summary: What would Hermione say if she found fan fiction? She's not pleased people. See what she has to say.


Hermione's Thoughts on Fan Fiction

I would like to begin this…um speech by expressing how appalled I am by all of you. Taking this fine work of literature and desecrating it with your nasty remakes and do you want to know why? Well a few of my complaints are listed below mostly outlining the poor romance options who have made for me:

Honestly, do I seem the type of person to get a makeover over the summer?

And then become some sort of cough sex cough vixen

Draco Malfoy and me? Never thought of it really he is quite han… **HERMIONE!** Sorry Ron I meant disgusting

I'm not from America people so stop writing that I've hidden it from my friends

What twisted people write stories about Snape and me? I loath the man and the feeling is mutual, I assure you

Harry and I? Never going to happen. _Hermione!_ Not that you aren't very handsome Harry just not my type.

People if you write a story that includes me; try to remember that under no circumstances do electrical devices work in Hogwarts! Seriously I've only been repeating it to Ron and Harry for the last six years!

There is no possible way for a defective time turner to send me 30 years back in time so that I can fall madly in love with Sirius and/or Remus.

If by the chance we do lose the war and I am forced into slavery to any of my past schoolmates there is not the slightest chance I will fall madly in love with them forget their past misdeeds and decide to marry them. Let me repeat: Not the slightest chance.

I'm not a lesbian neither is Ginny…. or I don't think so.

I'm not a Pureblood though it might be worth it just to see the look on that smug bastard's face

Blaise and I? I wish but don't forget the 'I'm a book worm thing' **_I think you're quite interesting that way. _**Blush

Fred/George and I would never work they constantly steal my books and anyone who does that is dooming a relationship

But Bill and I? I kind of like the longhaired thing.** HERMIONE! **Ron will you butt out! As I was saying he's quite cool.

Dudley and I? ARE YOU MAD! I'm not one to judge on appearances but really a girl has to have some boundaries!

Blaise and I? Sorry I just wanted to hear the words again. **_Sounds catchy doesn't it. _**I have to agree with you on that. **HERMIONE! Stop flirting with the Slytherin. **

I've always found silver and green a wonderful color combination. **What does that have to do with fan fiction? **Nothing I was just stating a fact. **_He's very bothersome isn't he._** You have no idea. **Hermione what side are you on? **

Stop writing stories in which I make out with various boys in detention I have some pride people. **_But what about the one's with me in it? _Don't reply to that Hermione. **Okay, the one's with you in it are…interesting. _Hermione, seriously._

I am not a 'bad girl' and the only way I would ever act that way is if I had a brain tumor. **I have to agree with that one. **Prat.

For people who actually believe this, a marriage law will not be passed and the slight billionth of a chance that it is, there will be no holy matrimony between me and Sirius, me and Malfoy, Me and …… Anyone else! _Sirius? That was actually considered? _I know strange isn't it?

And to finish this lovely hmm well I suppose it's a fan fiction. _Yep._ I am Hermione Granger, copyright of J.K. Rowling and will you buffoons stop writing stories ABOUT ME! Have your fun with Harry, Ron, Malfoy and the bunch. But, leave me out of your twisted plots and scary sex stories. Really, I am this way for a reason. **_Well spoken. _**Thank you. **_You're welcome, it was my pleasure._** **This is disgusting.** No Ron you and Lavender are disgusting. silence _I believe he's struck dumb. _Wouldn't be the first time.

**Ron's writing: bold**

Blaise's writing: bold and italics Harry's writing: italics 

Hermione's writing

A/N: I would like to say that yes in writing this I am contradicting myself because I write stories about Hermione and they are smutty : P. But, I'm doing this from her POV and the way I think she would take fan fiction. The Blaise thing I just added for fun. Who can resist a Blaise and Hermione coupling? Not I. It's my weakness.

**Also I think everyone is a wonderful writer and I probably read your story and loved it so don't take the opening comment personally. **

**This fan fiction was inspired by Abs who is the best fan fiction writer that I ever had the pleasure of stumbling upon. Please see hplvrgurl132 and her wonderful stories for reference.**

**Also inspired by BlackRose8813 and her fan fic Snape's Thoughts of Fan Fiction.**

**Love**

**Wonderwall**


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